I’m never surprised when I hear men talking about their lack of desire in the dating department. Often this lost desire for courtship is framed as a problem; by many accounts it surely is. With less incentive to get married and raise a family men will contribute less to their workplace, career advancement, and ultimately to their community. This will have a cascading effect. Dalrock has a post detailing some of this here. For most of what is said about the marriage strike, I agree. I, like both Dalrock and Dr. Helen, disagree that men should feel it is a problem though. More specifically, men should not feel guilty for their analysis of incentive.
This really comes to light for me when I start to read about courtship and dating. The first thing such material covers is approaching women. I won’t go through a vast amount of the advice here, but anyone with a few neurons and a keyboard can search Google and find what I’m referring to. Heavy emphasis is usually placed on men overcoming their anxiety of approaching women. This has always bothered me. Something always feels lost in translation. I get the impression a big old shame sandwich is being prepared for men who don’t approach women seeking their validation. Should men really be motivated by shame and female validation? Shouldn’t men genuinely demonstrate their strengths and value to a woman regardless of what others think? Upon further reflection something dawned on me; what if incentives were simply not high enough for men to demonstrate their value to women and that the anxiety is really a marker for this, not the cause?
Perhaps it’s a reactionary instinct or maybe a rationalization, but I find it hard to believe that men don’t realize the game is rigged when they start dating. Surely men have anxiety about being rejected, making a scene, and feeling inadequate. I would not argue they don’t. I would argue that they know, somewhere in the deep recesses of their mind, that they are being played for as fools.
It’s all over the wallpaper of society. Men are villains women are victims. Women are allowed to be as sexualized as they like, but if men stare too long at a twerking female singer they are suddenly creeps. The constant focus on not abusing women (thanks Obama). The unyielding push to get women in to the tech sector, college (even though they out-number men there), and the unrelenting message to kowtow to female demands in the workplace, at home, and anywhere women might deem it necessary. Everywhere a man looks there is another message telling him that masculinity is a disease and women are the victims despite men being the carriers. Then men are expected to approach women and not be anxious, bitter, or nervous. You can probably see where incentive is lacking.
Ultimately, male identity needs to be the focus of a man dissatisfied with his life. Approaching women, learning game, and getting laid are not going to replace true identity and purpose. Once you start to have a genuine interest in yourself despite the validation of women (or anyone else) then game will make more sense. With that said, if you are interested in learning to navigate the dating world, head over to Aaron Sleazy’s blog or over to Chateau Heartiste. I think you might find some of the information there to be more substantial than other places you might land with a Google search.
Where does that leave marriage? Well, without a sanctioned space in society for men to unambiguously revel in their own identity free from the constant messages of shame feminism has planted literally everywhere, I’d say that leaves it out of the question. I will hold off on judgement and predictions of the future for now. I can say that men will continue to eschew marriage for a saner and safer life. That and feminism is reaching a tipping point (if it hasn’t reached it already). Feminists are likely to become increasingly more desperate to control the narrative between the genders as more and more men stop tolerating its nonsense.
hyperboleverbally 